Thats a very broad question. I mean, I do know HOW I got here, but after almost 61 years of earthly habitation, of weaving in and out of peoples lives, of learning, failing, loving, hurting and exploring, I can't help but marvel at the complicated, twisted and convoluted chain of events that led me here.
Right here
to this exact point in time
There is a whole lot of 'if only' statements regarding that old chestnut of 'chasing happiness'
You know....
'if only i had money, i would be happy'
'if only i had stayed I would have been promoted'
'if only i had left I would be happy'
'if only I didn't get sick'
you get the picture?
There are many who believe our lives are mapped out in some kind of pre-designated universe plan.
Others (like in the terminator movies) believe there is no future but what we create ourselves and that our future is in our hands.
Well, what if it was both, or neither for that matter?
Followers of my ramblings will no doubt be familiar with my waffle entitled "which door do I go through?" in that, I spoke of the choices I made, which steered my life onto a completely different path form what I had anticipated.
For the most part, I believe we all are seeking happiness in some form among other things.
That of course is dependant on our goals, likes, dislikes and capabilities. To be loved is probably up there, along with successful career, good health, family etc
It is so hard to quantify success. Believe me, I have tried. It is equally as hard to quantify happiness.
I remember reading once about a guy who won the lottery. He vowed he would never work again, would do many charitable things, go on holiday, buy a better house and car etc.
Of course the needle on his happiness scale would have been high on the Richter scale, but apparently, after he had completed his bucket list, he felt lost and disengaged. he went back to work and began to behave just like the rest of us poor slobs.
His happiness needle returned to its normal level and that elation and euphoria subsided.
He felt he needed to go back to work to feel normal again.
It wasn't about the money after all
Lesson learned
Now it may seem bizarre, but our levels of happiness are on a kind of sliding scale.
For example, a precious event, like getting married or a birthday party usually sends our happiness needle up - fantastic! but it will always slide back down to 'normal' and similarly, when disaster strikes, our needle plummets and so we tend to live in a series of peaks and troughs as events come and go.
We need the normal, so that we can recognise what isn't.
So we look forward to events in our lives to make/keep us happy and engaged.
We have dreams, expectations and plans all in an effort to attain happiness and contentment.
Which brings me back to my own personal scale of happiness.
I have had some super happy times in my life, many dreams, also disappointments
BUT
The biggest thing I have learned is its not about the happiness itself
Its about the EXPECTATION
Like anything we do, be it work, relationships or health, we put in the ground work and we set our expectations, our expected result.
What I have learned is
To Avoid Disappointment, Lower Your expectations
Im not saying to not strive or push the universe, because it is human nature to test our limits, but just think about your happiness when you exceed the limitations or expectations you put on yourself.
More sustained happiness perhaps, just might mean less disappointment
Only you are in control of your own happiness needle. it is no one else's responsibility and you truly cannot blame others.
Now back to me....
After my accident in Thailand cut short my own career, my disappointment was understandably huge. My expectations were smashed so Ive had to rethink my own goals and expectations and honestly?
I have sat back and taken yet another good, hard look at life and realised what I actually need to be happy is precious little.
The world has evolved and societal changes, especially over the last 40 years have seen huge leaps in human expectations and fulfilment.
So I guess I am trying to pull back a little, take stock of what is truly important and lower my expectations, especially now as we come to grips with a spiralling and non discriminatory virus forcing us to stay close to home.
I share each and every day with chronic pain and while I don't expect to wake up pain free one day, my hope is to find relief.
I wake up every morning next to the man I adore.
I am safe, I am loved and I have a voice and that, my dear readers, makes me happy.
I would love to know your thoughts
in these very strange and uncertain times around the world,
please consider my virtual arms around you all
Phillipa
